First of all, I would just like to thank my husband for being open and supportive of me while I do these posts. I wouldn't be able to get much of a male's perspective without his help.
As long as I've been married to my husband, one thing that would always get me mad, is the fact that he can never say “I'm Sorry”. Unless I'm upset or in tears telling him that I just want him to say sorry, he will be so oblivious to the whole situation. When he finally does apologize, I feel it's not the sincere, 'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings' I need to hear, instead it's, 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. (I'm getting worked up just thinking about it!)
I'm sure not all men are unapologetic. You might even find some women who have a hard time apologizing. But, I think I can speak for the female population and say that men have a hard time apologizing. Why is that?
"To apologize is to set aside our pride long enough to admit our imperfections, and for some, this feels far too vulnerable," says Beverly Engel, a psychotherapist in Los Osos, Calif., and author of The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships (Wiley, 2002).
So does saying “I'm Sorry” make our spouse vulnerable? Do they think that it'll make them less of a “man” if they apologize? This is what gets me. Hellooo!!?? I am your other half! You don't have to put up a front with me! I know you better!
So maybe he might be wrong and it hurt my feelings. I don't care about him being wrong. I care about how it made me feel. After an apology has been made, I can move on and be done with it. But, until I get an 'I'm Sorry', he won't be seeing the happy side of me. I'm sure I sound like a whiner, but hey, “I'm sorry!”
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
What's for dinner?. . . .
Why do we ladies expect our husbands, or other half to read our minds? Is it because they're great mind readers? I believe majority of men would say they're not. In fact, majority of the time, they have no idea what's going on in our heads.
Here's a scenario: It's Friday night and you and your husband have an evening alone together. Your husband's been at work and you've been at home with the kids all day and all you want to do is have a nice evening together. Your husband suggests going out to dinner. So he asks you, "Honey, would you like to go out to dinner tonight?" You say, "That sounds like a great idea!"
"Where would you like to go eat?"
"Umm, it doesn't matter. Anywhere you like." At this point, you're already thinking your husband should know what you like. After all, he knows how much you wanted a nice fat juicy steak all week, doesn't he?
Your husband replies, "How about we go for some sushi." "Nah, I don't like sushi."
What? Didn't you just send your husband the message that 'it didn't matter', you would go 'anywhere he'd like'? Plus, didn't you just ask for sushi yesterday?
At this point, he has a puzzled look on his face. He doesn't know what to think or say. All he wanted to do, was have a nice night together, and let you choose what you wanted to eat. We wanted men to "automagically" know what we want by reading our minds. If he really loved and knew us, he would know what we wanted without us having to tell him.
You want them to show their love for you by knowing what you're thinking. They want to show their love for you, by doing whatever YOU want to do.
I just think it's so silly when we do this, yet I, myself am guilty of it every time. But, I'm learning that my husband, along with others of his kind, are very simple beings. They love you and they'll do whatever it takes to make us happy. The key is, WE have to open our mouths and say what we mean.
Here's a scenario: It's Friday night and you and your husband have an evening alone together. Your husband's been at work and you've been at home with the kids all day and all you want to do is have a nice evening together. Your husband suggests going out to dinner. So he asks you, "Honey, would you like to go out to dinner tonight?" You say, "That sounds like a great idea!"
"Where would you like to go eat?"
"Umm, it doesn't matter. Anywhere you like." At this point, you're already thinking your husband should know what you like. After all, he knows how much you wanted a nice fat juicy steak all week, doesn't he?
Your husband replies, "How about we go for some sushi." "Nah, I don't like sushi."
What? Didn't you just send your husband the message that 'it didn't matter', you would go 'anywhere he'd like'? Plus, didn't you just ask for sushi yesterday?
At this point, he has a puzzled look on his face. He doesn't know what to think or say. All he wanted to do, was have a nice night together, and let you choose what you wanted to eat. We wanted men to "automagically" know what we want by reading our minds. If he really loved and knew us, he would know what we wanted without us having to tell him.
You want them to show their love for you by knowing what you're thinking. They want to show their love for you, by doing whatever YOU want to do.
I just think it's so silly when we do this, yet I, myself am guilty of it every time. But, I'm learning that my husband, along with others of his kind, are very simple beings. They love you and they'll do whatever it takes to make us happy. The key is, WE have to open our mouths and say what we mean.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
His and Hers. . . . . .
Twelve years and six kids later, my husband and I are learning each other's language. The language of HIS and HERS. Why does he give me a confused look when I say that I have nothing to wear? A back rub sounds so soothing, but why do I hesitate when he offers ? When we (ladies) have to vent, why do we get mad when our spouse tries to "help"?
After twelve years of being married, I finally get "it". My husband and I understand why the other half do or say things . He gives me a confused look with a comment like, "You have a closet full of clothes". Well, he gets it now, that I'm really saying, "I have nothing NEW to wear!" Sure a back rub sounds soothing, but that's ALL I want. . . A BACK RUB! Nothing more, nothing less. But he sees it as an invitation to undress me. I vent to my husband because he is my best friend, I value his opinion and I DO want his help. But, I'm not asking him to fix the problem. . . I just want him to listen.
I speak for myself when I say that I finally get "it". I'm understanding what my husband is thinking and trying to say.
Throughout my marriage, I would occasionally leave love notes for my husband in his shoes, jacket, lunch box, etc. It was just a way to let him know that I'm going to miss him while he's at work and that I'll be thinking about him. I figure that he'll be getting it while getting ready and then give me a call on his way to work, because that's what I would do. I'm sitting at home wondering, "How come he hasn't called me yet?" He calls me an hour after being at work because that's when he's finally settled in. He wanted to have time to take it all in and find the words to express his appreciation. Is that so wrong?
I'm understanding a lot more about my relationship and especially about myself. I hope the class doesn't mind me sharing personal experiences. Looking back at all the years, "You think you know, but you have no idea!"
After twelve years of being married, I finally get "it". My husband and I understand why the other half do or say things . He gives me a confused look with a comment like, "You have a closet full of clothes". Well, he gets it now, that I'm really saying, "I have nothing NEW to wear!" Sure a back rub sounds soothing, but that's ALL I want. . . A BACK RUB! Nothing more, nothing less. But he sees it as an invitation to undress me. I vent to my husband because he is my best friend, I value his opinion and I DO want his help. But, I'm not asking him to fix the problem. . . I just want him to listen.
I speak for myself when I say that I finally get "it". I'm understanding what my husband is thinking and trying to say.
Throughout my marriage, I would occasionally leave love notes for my husband in his shoes, jacket, lunch box, etc. It was just a way to let him know that I'm going to miss him while he's at work and that I'll be thinking about him. I figure that he'll be getting it while getting ready and then give me a call on his way to work, because that's what I would do. I'm sitting at home wondering, "How come he hasn't called me yet?" He calls me an hour after being at work because that's when he's finally settled in. He wanted to have time to take it all in and find the words to express his appreciation. Is that so wrong?
I'm understanding a lot more about my relationship and especially about myself. I hope the class doesn't mind me sharing personal experiences. Looking back at all the years, "You think you know, but you have no idea!"
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Will you take this person. . .?
I do. 'I do' promise to wake up to morning breath, 'I do' promise to put the toilet seat down after using the bathroom, 'I do' promise to ask for directions when we're lost, 'I do' promise to limit my shoe collection to five pairs, and most of all 'I do' promise to love and to cherish you for the rest of my life. These two words may sound simple, but you may be getting more than you bargained for in marriage.
What is marriage? Marriage, as defined in Webster's Dictionary, is the legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife. Why is it that some fear this commitment while others embrace it as they wait for the day they're able to say "I do"?
Before marriage, there is a period of dating called courtship. Of course, the first thing we want to do when meeting someone new is to make a good impression. Girls spend hours and hours looking in the mirror, picking out the right outfit and putting every strand of hair in place. Guys check for minty breath, talking to themselves in the mirror and making sure there's enough money to cover the date. This period is often the fun time. Everything is so new. Dawn Lipthrott, LCSW founder and director of The Relationship Learning Center, relates this to a new job.
We're exploring and finding out what makes this other person who they are. As the relationship develops, it grows into something more meaningful. You start to trust and share your innermost self with the other. It's a feeling you'd like to hold on to forever and never let it end. We then make the decision to get married.
The wedding ceremony happens. You're no longer dating or trying to impress the other. You are who you are and everything else that comes with it. After the novelty and excitement of the honeymoon wears off, your first morning as a married couple leads to questions: Who makes breakfast? You would like your eggs how? How many kids did you want?! All of a sudden, we're asking questions that probably should've been answered before we said the "I dos." . . . . .
What is marriage? Marriage, as defined in Webster's Dictionary, is the legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife. Why is it that some fear this commitment while others embrace it as they wait for the day they're able to say "I do"?
Before marriage, there is a period of dating called courtship. Of course, the first thing we want to do when meeting someone new is to make a good impression. Girls spend hours and hours looking in the mirror, picking out the right outfit and putting every strand of hair in place. Guys check for minty breath, talking to themselves in the mirror and making sure there's enough money to cover the date. This period is often the fun time. Everything is so new. Dawn Lipthrott, LCSW founder and director of The Relationship Learning Center, relates this to a new job.
"Everything seems perfect at first. When you see things that you don't like, you might deny or at least minimize them. You tend to go above and beyond what is required or expected. You feel energized, alive, and filled with new dreams. In romantic relationships, your heart is filled with love and you know that this person loves you. You both find many ways to show your love. When you're apart, you are thinking of one another. Everything feels right. Some people feel a sense of finally 'being home' or of being 'complete', feeling alive and connected."
We're exploring and finding out what makes this other person who they are. As the relationship develops, it grows into something more meaningful. You start to trust and share your innermost self with the other. It's a feeling you'd like to hold on to forever and never let it end. We then make the decision to get married.
The wedding ceremony happens. You're no longer dating or trying to impress the other. You are who you are and everything else that comes with it. After the novelty and excitement of the honeymoon wears off, your first morning as a married couple leads to questions: Who makes breakfast? You would like your eggs how? How many kids did you want?! All of a sudden, we're asking questions that probably should've been answered before we said the "I dos." . . . . .
Thursday, October 23, 2008
This is me!
My name is Ario. I'm originally from the Pacific island of Samoa. Not too many people out here in the east heard of Samoa. I come from a family of five brothers and one sister. I was raised in California and moved to Hawaii in 1999 and lived there for six years. In 2005, my husband and I moved our family from Hawaii to Woodbridge, VA. I'm a stay at home mother of six beautiful children ages 10, 8, 7, 6, 4 & 1. I love to see my kids personality develop and watch them become their own person. Each day, I learn something new from them.
I'm not in school for a particular degree, although, I love Math and Writing. I'm here to be an example for my children. You can never stop learning.
I enjoy sleeping, eating, shopping and playing sports (basketball, football & volleyball). To relax, I enjoy playing the piano and sipping hot chocolate in bed.
I'm not in school for a particular degree, although, I love Math and Writing. I'm here to be an example for my children. You can never stop learning.
I enjoy sleeping, eating, shopping and playing sports (basketball, football & volleyball). To relax, I enjoy playing the piano and sipping hot chocolate in bed.
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