Twelve years and six kids later, my husband and I are learning each other's language. The language of HIS and HERS. Why does he give me a confused look when I say that I have nothing to wear? A back rub sounds so soothing, but why do I hesitate when he offers ? When we (ladies) have to vent, why do we get mad when our spouse tries to "help"?
After twelve years of being married, I finally get "it". My husband and I understand why the other half do or say things . He gives me a confused look with a comment like, "You have a closet full of clothes". Well, he gets it now, that I'm really saying, "I have nothing NEW to wear!" Sure a back rub sounds soothing, but that's ALL I want. . . A BACK RUB! Nothing more, nothing less. But he sees it as an invitation to undress me. I vent to my husband because he is my best friend, I value his opinion and I DO want his help. But, I'm not asking him to fix the problem. . . I just want him to listen.
I speak for myself when I say that I finally get "it". I'm understanding what my husband is thinking and trying to say.
Throughout my marriage, I would occasionally leave love notes for my husband in his shoes, jacket, lunch box, etc. It was just a way to let him know that I'm going to miss him while he's at work and that I'll be thinking about him. I figure that he'll be getting it while getting ready and then give me a call on his way to work, because that's what I would do. I'm sitting at home wondering, "How come he hasn't called me yet?" He calls me an hour after being at work because that's when he's finally settled in. He wanted to have time to take it all in and find the words to express his appreciation. Is that so wrong?
I'm understanding a lot more about my relationship and especially about myself. I hope the class doesn't mind me sharing personal experiences. Looking back at all the years, "You think you know, but you have no idea!"
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3 comments:
I like your realist approach to real situation in marriages. Unfortunately, some people call it quits before it can even get started. Thanks for your post! I needed to hear that for my own personal relationship, even though I still believe that women should say what they mean and not have us guys read between the lines!
Amen sista! I left Ken a card in his briefcase a couple days ago telling him i love him and just to lift his spirits alittle since he had been down and all day i waited for him to say something, he didnt call me or anything until when he got home that night, i asked if he found anything unusual that day and then he remembered and said thankyou. if it were me, i would've called him right away and said thankyou and told him how much i appreciated it. he didnt even remember until i asked him about it.:(
anyways, i love your blog, you are an excellent writer and i'm very excited to read more!
This is good stuff, and I especially like your insight on the behaviors and motivations behind the actions of husbands and wives (or couples). What are psychologists saying on the same issue? Show us some research that might back up these very clear points.
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