First of all, I would just like to thank my husband for being open and supportive of me while I do these posts. I wouldn't be able to get much of a male's perspective without his help.
As long as I've been married to my husband, one thing that would always get me mad, is the fact that he can never say “I'm Sorry”. Unless I'm upset or in tears telling him that I just want him to say sorry, he will be so oblivious to the whole situation. When he finally does apologize, I feel it's not the sincere, 'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings' I need to hear, instead it's, 'I'm sorry you feel that way'. (I'm getting worked up just thinking about it!)
I'm sure not all men are unapologetic. You might even find some women who have a hard time apologizing. But, I think I can speak for the female population and say that men have a hard time apologizing. Why is that?
"To apologize is to set aside our pride long enough to admit our imperfections, and for some, this feels far too vulnerable," says Beverly Engel, a psychotherapist in Los Osos, Calif., and author of The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships (Wiley, 2002).
So does saying “I'm Sorry” make our spouse vulnerable? Do they think that it'll make them less of a “man” if they apologize? This is what gets me. Hellooo!!?? I am your other half! You don't have to put up a front with me! I know you better!
So maybe he might be wrong and it hurt my feelings. I don't care about him being wrong. I care about how it made me feel. After an apology has been made, I can move on and be done with it. But, until I get an 'I'm Sorry', he won't be seeing the happy side of me. I'm sure I sound like a whiner, but hey, “I'm sorry!”
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3 comments:
You were off on an interesting point here. Does Engel go on to say that most men don't apologize? Expand on this point even more. The research is a nice balance to the home situation. And can you describe a situation (maybe in a few sentences) that would explain why your husband would need to say "I'm sorry?" Let's see some specific details!
Neat topic - one that most people won't touch because they dont want to appear as if their marriage is in disarray. I enjoyed reading your blogs and I also can appreciate your insights based on your relationship of 12 years. My parents who have been married over 50 years still issues with communicating, so this tells me that it is a "constant" in all our lives. It's the desire to have that constant and move forward that needs to be a driving force in relationships these days. Thanks.
Your article was easy to read and pretty funny. I have to admit I am one of the people that have a hard time apologizing. I just like to be right...a lot. It's hard to concede; it feels like surrender. I haven't gone for a serious relationship yet and maybe this is why. I'm interested to read more of your articles.
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