My parents, being very old school and traditional, rarely showed any affection towards each other in public. I rarely saw them hugging or kissing and even at that, there were definitely never any Al and Tipper Gore moments. Why weren't they more affectionate towards each other? Culture, culture, culture! I know they loved each other. That kind of stuff was done behind closed doors, not for the world to see and especially “not in front of the children”. Although they didn't display it much, I know it had to go on somewhere, I mean, how else did my parents have seven kids, right?
Other than sex, I think that physical affection is a significant part of any relationship. Before my husband and I were married, it was a natural thing to be affectionate with each other. It went without saying. We held hands, he bought me flowers, we cuddled, kissed and expressed how much we loved each other. That was how we expressed our feelings without saying so much.
We're all faced with work, stress, children and the demands of life. For some, we can still sneak in a little kiss. For others, you're lucky if you could get a high five on the way out the door. It may not be ideal, but do you think that a relationship with limited affection can still be a healthy one? For us, it was important to have that constant affection.
"Affection is the expression of care. It symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval -- vital ingredients in any relationship. When one spouse is affectionate toward the other, the following messages are sent:
You are important to me. I will care for you and protect you.
I'm concerned about the problems you face and will be there for you when you need me" (Marriage Builders).
It's such a big deal for me to give and receive affection in front of my children. Of course, there are appropriate ways and forms of affection, but they learn that there's love without being spoken. When they grow up, they won't have to wonder how the six of them came to be, right?
Works cited:
Marriage Builders. "Affection." 11 November 2008. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html
11 comments:
You know what would be interesting here, and would add to the affection discussion, some statistics on how couples from different cultures show affection (or don't show it). I know a lot of what we see in public has to do with cultural training (what we see coming before us from our elders). So what are some percentages of American couples who think PDA is ok? Then what about other parts of the world? I bet there is some sort of data on this out there...
This is a really interesting blog that you have written. My parents are the same way. Me and my boyfriend are affectionate towards eachother in public well not including the making out...just holding hands and simple things like that.
I think it would be really cool if you had some factual information as well...like how analyst perceive it meaning how it might be a good thing for your health and mind as well. Affection and love also causes a chemical to be released in your body which cause a natural high...You should consider including that in as well.
All in all, I think you have picked a interecting topic. I look forward to reading more!
I think it's a cultural thing. Back home in Washington State, many older couples show affection. However, coming to the East Coast I wondered the same thing. I showed alot of affection to my girlfriend and wondered why older people didn't do the same thing. As I stay here longer, I feel as though I've grown to understand the environment here and the pressure to look "professional." I think that has an effect on how much older couples show affection in the later stages in life.
Also, I read in National Geographic that there is a clear difference chemically between infatuation in the early stage of a relationship and the longevity needed in a longer, permanent relationship. I think that may have something to do with it.
I often get a so to speak "High Five" or some other type of joking affection from my husband. But I know that's his way of showing affection. He didn't have a very good example from his parents - they sleep in seperate rooms. However, my parents were always extremely affectionate towards each other.
My husband and I have a very "Joking" relationship, but we also have a lovingly relationship. I think it depends on what's acceptable to the couple as affection.
So having come from a family whose parents took one extreme, which do think is more beneficial for your children? Seeing mutual affection between parents or not seeing any affection at all?
I'm sure my children may all have their own opinion on what is considered affectionate. I think it's a natural thing when you're in love with someone, to touch and to feel close. Whatever that form of affection may be. The main thing for me coming up in the my environment, is to display a positive loving atmosphere in my home.
I too agree with you Cyndi. With so much going on in our days, love is the key to survival in this world.
Ario - I loved the article! I am fortunate that my parents who gave birth to six (6) children were very open to give affection in front of us kids. I am thankful for that because so many don't know what "PDA" is. If only they knew what they are missing. A touch on the hand, a unexpected peck on the cheek or even a hand to the back side are things that bring a smile to anyones face. Love is key to survival in this world.
Good layout of text and flow. You hit good points without overkill.
There has to be affection if the relationship is to work. I for one like to hold hands hug, kiss, and cuddle. Some men do and some men do behind closed doors. It just depends on the situation. For the most part our partner will tell us what she wants or we know how much affection she needs. Great post I look forward to hearing more.
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