As a first generation American raised by Samoan parents, but influenced by the “American” way, it can catch up to you later in the years. Let me elaborate a little bit.
I'm the third oldest in my family, with five brothers and one younger sister. The only three buildings we knew growing up were: church, school, and home. We weren't allowed the many privileges that the young American teens we grew up around had. These include simple things such as being able to attend school dances, have boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, wear makeup, etc. I couldn't even go to an occasional church dance! And you can imagine how wild those must have been. And Prom, forget about it. There might be boys there!
Fast forward to twenty years of age. I actually get to go to my first 'church' dance. I mean I was twenty years old by then! The funniest thing is that my parents were right about those dances all along. Guess who I met at my first dance? My husband. Hah! I am smiling just thinking about it. Here I am, twenty years old, at my first church dance alone, and I meet this guy who will ultimately become my husband and the father of my children. Sure I had had boyfriends before by then, but I knew none of them were right for me and would never work out. Especially in the eyes of my dad and family. And you know, that's what mattered the most at that point.
Now, my husband grew up outside the four walls of his home. Waaaay outside. He's been there, done that. Did these 'cultural' differences have an effect on our marriage? Sure, and in some ways more than others.
For example: In my home, family is family. Whether, you're immediate, or distant. If we came from the same bloodline, then we're family. When there's a family matter going on that involves money (mainly weddings or funerals) everyone in the 'family' is supposed to help out. The purpose of this is to lessen the financial burden on the individual family member and “share the love” so to speak. Normally, each family is asked to contribute anything ranging from $300 - $1000 depending on the relative and their relationship to the immediate family member. This is something I'm accustomed to. I don't fully agree, but it's a part of my culture and its what I know.
My husband on the other hand, is used to a different way of showing support and love in times of need or loss. He instead often lends his hand by helping out in the kitchen, around the family's house, or giving maybe as much as $100-200 (and that's if he really likes you). In his culture (which I also know), the majority believes in saving up for your own wedding, or buying your own wedding ring. There's also something known as life insurance for those of us who plan on dying some day.
I'm sure there's other things that are different about our cultures. I've taken one part of mine that was handed down by my parents, and another part that was influenced by my surroundings and meshed it with what my husband is used to. You'll still have your challenges, but you take what works and leave the rest to be buried with the ancestors.
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5 comments:
This is a good post: like how you really thought out the differences in your cultures and pointed to specific incidents to highlight each culture. Good work on that.
My only small suggestion would be to watch punctuation: overuse of the exclamation point might lessen the power of that punctuation. Also watch for floating punctuation in the form of parenthesis (make sure, like here, they hug the words in the middle).
Very good post. I agree with some of the cultural difference we all go through in life. It makes hard for one to adjust in different life style and adopt some of the new way of living.
I think it is great to know that your husband and you blend in each others culture very well.
Nausheen
This is really cool..it's amazing to know about the things people do differently. I have always believed that Americans are not as family-focused or generous as other cultures. It might be nice if we combined varying aspects of each culture.
Ario,
I was wondering, when you look back on your childhood how do you feel? You have expressed that your family did things different and that they were kind of strict. Do you like how things were when you were little or do you sometimes wish it was different. I know that as we get older we realize that things our parents did may seem wierd or mean to us when we are little but when we are older we appriciate what they have done. That was something I am curious about.
Melissa,
I guess as a parent, I realize the sacrifices my parents made when they came to a 'foreign' country. As a child, I didn't understand because I was a child. There were some things, I feel I missed out on, but it's living in the moment right now that matters for me. They were strict, but now I can look at it that they did what they thought was best for me.
I'm sure my kids are questioning my parenting and wonder why I say no to somethings, but I hope that it will help mold them into better citizens in this crazy world.
Thanks for commenting :-)
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